Birthday

Today is my birthday.

That in and of itself isn't that special, except that it's a milestone birthday (21st) and so far this year, my personal life hasn't been burned in flames yet.

My husband surprised me by speaking another language to me (a language I grew up around), cooking me good food (if not a little charred), and making me a homemade double chocolate cake (which I will devour after I get home from class tonight).

My mother sent me sweet texts saying that "on this day you were born at 12:57pm and weighed 7lbs" and ending with "you are the greatest gift to me". I had to swallow some negative thoughts about that, since she'd disowned me not even a year ago (she's since changed her mind about that). And my sister attempted to make amends by calling me "monkey" (a pet name that I still don't know why she picked for me) and saying a "happy birthday" that I'm sure is more out of "sisterly obligations" than true happiness for my 21st birthday.

I received flowers and chocolates (mom), birthday wishes, and little notes of reasons why my husband loves me - and yet, I still find that darkness shadows my thoughts and crowns me with its numbing embrace, whispering negative thoughts in my mind.

Nevertheless, today is my birthday.

And I will try to be positive.